What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?

He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.

And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!

She was in good health!

Is Trump the greatest spiritual leader since Jesus?

I did it because my mum asked me too!

As i do to all so called friends.?

We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!

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He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.

The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,

Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.

Can you turn 150 pages into a 5 minute presentation before a meeting?

Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.

Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.

Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!

How did you as a human being change while growing up?

Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.

The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!

I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers

How many wishes do people get on their birthday?

I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.

I could never make a relationship work though!

We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..

Why are European countries warning European travelers to be careful traveling to the United States?

Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!

Especially a lifetime of it.

This is soul school!.

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But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).

Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.

Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.

What can I say to a scammer who thinks he loves me, but I don't want to be scammed?

I was writing from the time i was a small child.

Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!

He resisted the act ,that day.

How can a hacker damage me, realistically?

Would this be the day?

He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!

Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life

What is the STAR interview method?

But im an empath, and i help lots of people.

Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?

5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.

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For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)

So whats the point in blame.

Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)

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I was scared of men, in general

But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!

This is how, and why children get BPD.

Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.

But, we were locked up after school.

We were not on the streets..

Im still living with it.

So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.

His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!

I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor

One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)

Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.

I had hoped to write a book about this .

I write beautiful poetry .

The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.

He knew the spot.

Im dying but, im not bitter.

One cannot live in the past .

19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.

But it wasn’t much.

A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.

You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .

But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!

I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.

He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!

He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!

It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.

Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.

Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.

I have no regrets .

One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.

Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.

I said to her

Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.

My family never makes their pension either.

I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!

When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!

I never cut or harmed myself..

Ive learnt so much.

So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.

The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..

Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.

And who doesn’t know suffering?

My mum and dad in the seventies!

He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!

As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.

Why did i forgive my father ?

I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)

As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)

Thats was my nicest nick name for him

Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years

I of course replied” arh beautiful!

Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..

BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.

You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.

But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !

That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.

Was to survive, this bastard.

We could never speak unless he spoke to us!

I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!

But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .

One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.

Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.

I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.

I waited trembling.

I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.

They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?

As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!

And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .

I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.

It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.

I might have to go back 30 generations or more..

My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.

Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..

Put me off passion for life!!

Who then, do I blame.?

Comes on , in middle age.

Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.

My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .

She was a women, a mother with her own children!.

As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.

He was dying to do it , i knew.

I suffer greatly, because of BPD..

Another so called friend had bit the dust..

I will be 64.

She died at 55 of colon cancer.

She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!

And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!

He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!

Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.

It was going to be , some day.

She wouldn,t have been !

Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..

Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.

I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .

And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!

Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.

And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)

She loved him until the end.

What did i know ?

She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.

Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!

The only rule us 5 kids had .

On the 31st of Jan this month .

We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.

My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!

Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.

I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.

Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!

When she asked me how she looked .

I don,t even have a pension.

All the time i was locked up.

She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!

He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.

I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.

But ive been too sick for many years..

At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.

I think the readers, may guess!

We all went to grammer schools

Its mostly always from childhood abuse .

Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..

But im dying ,and its too late for me.

(And it was in our own minds.)

I know ,a lot about trauma.

I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.

My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.

One cannot hold on to bitterness.

I was 9 years of age.

They are buried together, in the same grave..

He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.

I was seconnd youngest,

I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.

And, all my friends down the years ,where users.

Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other

He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .

We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.

So, i spoilt her more .

As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!

My life is so biszare .

I couldn’t, believe it.

But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.

But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,

Where the ultimate outsiders.

And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.

I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.

She found it foreign!.

She married twice! .

My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.

Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.

I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.

But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!

His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.

My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.

She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!

Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.

He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.

I was very sick at this time too.

And i lived it daily.

I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.

And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!

.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them

With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.

She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.

Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t